


"I liked you back/ I f***ing turned myself inside out liking you"

by EffeI28



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: F/M, Sex Education, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23545345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffeI28/pseuds/EffeI28
Summary: Just a long journey into the feelings and emotions Maeve and Otis have for each other in season 1 and 2.
Relationships: Otis Milburn/Maeve Wiley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	1. Maeve

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I fell in love with this show and of course I fell in love with Maeve and Otis. So after season 2 I needed to get over them, trying to accept how much we will have to wait for season 3, and this is the result. I tried to explore Maeve and Otis's feelings during these two seasons but with an alternative ending. I hope you like it and I will be very happy if you want to leave a comment. Also forgive me if my english is a bit complex or there are some mistakes but I'm Italian and this is my first english fan-fiction.

_I messed up with you. There was this moment last term where I thought maybe you liked me and I liked you back. And I got scared so I didn’t tell you how I felt. And then you met Ola. It’s really hard seeing you with her every day._

Great job Maeve, really. God! I can ’ t believe I told him. How could I do it?Well I made great progress. From Jackson Marchetti the hottest, the greatest and most popular guy at school, who was also really great at sex, to Otis Milbourne, weird and invisible guy. 

I guess it ’ s true what they say: love is blind. 

Love?

Is it really love? 

No. No. It can ’ t be.

I just...like him, that ’ s all. I don ’ t even know how I like him but I definitely don ’ t love him. And even if I do, I can ’ t have him. 

He ’ s with Ola now, happy and shining, as they both keep reminding me every single freaking day at school. 

Why did I put myself in this mess? I have such a great talent for these things. 

I need to get over him, I thought I did,but it was harder than I expected. 

Even if…No. No, absolutely no. 

I need to fix this. It will go away as it came in the first place. 

But why does it have to be so damn hard! 

All the damned time! I just wanna.. 

I can’t handle this anymore. 

Breathe Maeve, breathe, come on. In, out. In, out. 

You got this. It’s just a stupid boy, you got bigger problems. And see? You have always been right: there is always someone ready to let you down. That’s why I don’t want anyone. I rather be alone than feel this. 

This constant heavy thing on my chest, close to the heart. It’s so heavy that it feels like my heart is going down, like falling and sinking into my chest. 

I just want it gone. 

I can handle this, it’s just stupid, weird and awkward Otis Milbourne. 

Who apparently did liked me. 

As always I had perfect timing.

I mean, Otis Milbourne?!

First time I saw him he looked like a pale, skinny ghost. Didn’t know he existed until I literally bumped into him. 

Well, he did. 

I think in that moment I gave him one of my terrifying looks, like I could kill him in a second. And when I went to class, he looked at me again, but the only thing I showed him was my middle finger. Poor Otis. 

Then I remember that stupid joke some dickheads did to him with the video of his mum, which by the way was really awkward. He literally run away from class and Mr Hendricks told me to check on him. I had no idea who he was but, I felt a bit sorry for him, so I did it. 

When I found him, he was in middle of a asthma/panic attack. 

Teenagers can be really ruthless.

He wasn’t surprised to see me, don’t know if it was because his reputation was already gone so, he didn’t care to be seen that way from anyone, including me. 

I was trying to let him talk but then we heard someone screaming. 

It was in the infected bathroom. 

We went in and there was Adam Groff panicking because he took too much viagra and his dick was huge, literally huge ahaha it was fun. 

Anyway, Adam couldn’t stop panicking and we tried not to laugh. 

Otis thought that the only way to fix this was to distract him, so he started to talk to him and, I don’t know, something snapped. He had such a way with words, his voice was soft and reassuring. His words were too complicated for Adam but, in the end, his dick got back to normal. I guess it was in that moment that I saw him not as a weird guy, you know those geeks you can clearly recognize. He was still weird though, a sixteen years old boy talking as if he was forty. 

After what happened with Adam I had the clinic idea. 

We were at high school, the place was full of horny adolescents who desperately needed to know things about sex and they would pay. 

Next day I told him.

I remember he was with Eric, his best friend. Seriously those two couldn’t be more different. He was going nuts while I was walking towards them. He saw me and I started staring at him, hoping to make him break. Otis was there, surprised to see me as well.

He was wearing that stupid and horrible helmet that he couldn’t take it off. 

Without thinking,I took it and untied it. 

For a moment I saw his eyes, they were wide open.

He wasn’t expecting that, to be honest neither was I. After an awkward moment I made him my proposal and he accepted. 

We were on business. 

Next thing we needed were clients. The first chance was Aimee’s party. 

God that night was crazy. 

I founded out I was pregnant. I was seeing Jackson but I didn’t want to tell him anything. We were sixteen, we couldn’t have a baby. I did look for him at the party though, we had sex and, God if I think about it it’s crazy ahaha. I never understood how but, Otis came out from the bathroom. As soon as he saw me and Jackson, realizing what happened he stumbled upon that table and went out. 

He was super weird, but in a funny way. 

He made me laugh. 

Next day I went to the clinic for the abortion procedure and they told me I needed someone to be with me after. 

I couldn’t ask to Jackson, Aimee was busy. I was ready to go alone when I saw him in the hallway. I run to him and, again without thinking it twice, I asked him if he could help me. 

He agreed. 

Later I texted him the address without knowing if he would show up. 

He showed up earlier and dress in a suit. Didn’t know what he was expecting. Maybe thinking about it now, he probably believed that it was a date. Umh poor Otis. 

I told him to leave but when the procedure was over, he was there. 

He waited for me.

I smiled and let him escort me home. 

On the way home I asked him about the flower he had, if they were for me and he said yes, with a sandwich.Everything looked like a funny joke. What did you do yesterday Maeve? Um nothing, I had an abortion and a weird guy bought me some flowers and a sandwich. He was so worried about leaving me alone, so he asked me if he had to stay. 

I was fine, he could go. 

He didn’t insist on that and he was ready to go

Then like I did when I took his helmet off, few days before, I don’t know how, I just hugged him. I run and hugged him. 

I guess it was my way to say thanks, for everything he had done that day. For being there, for not judging me, for waiting, for those stupid flowers and that horrible sandwich. I wasn’t good with words so. Then I remember my skin, my cheek on his own. 

He smelled like colony. A lot. But I liked it. It was reassuring. I stopped for a second and I just held him. Then I felt his hand on my back. His gentle touch. He was trying to hug me back, telling me it was ok. That everything was ok. But at the same time, it was like he was afraid to hold me. 

He was afraid it was too much, that I didn’t want to be touched. 

But there was something else. 

He wasn’t really touching me, he was slightly touching me. It was so delicate.

I could feel his hand on my back, its being so close and the space between his hand and my back, as if he was afraid I was too fragile, too delicate to hold tight and I could collapse and break into pieces. 

He was trying to tell me he understood what I wanted to say. 

It was ok for him to wait, he wanted to wait. 

He did it because he understood I needed that. 

He respected my choice. It was like three seconds but it was everything I needed. 

I had no idea that Otis Melbourne, in that moment, thinking about that now, was the person who saved me. 

He really saved me.

Saved me from the depth of my thoughts. 

Saved me from the idea of what I had let go. That baby. I’ve never thought about it in these terms, but that day I killed a life. 

Iwas a murder. 

I took the decision I thought was the best. I didn’t need a baby. My life was already so messed up that a baby would it be definitely too much. 

I couldn’t handle it, I wasn’t ready. And I couldn’t ask anything to Jackson, I didn’t want to. We were just having causal sex. Nothing serious. 

I mean we were teenagers. I am a teenager. I am 16 years old, and I’m not supposed to think or live with this burden upon my chest like I’m a forty years old woman. 

I’m young, yet life threw me so many curveballs that I literally can’t count them anymore. 

In that moment I started to think that Otis Milbourne was someone I could rely on. 

Someone who showed me not with words, but with hispresence, that he cared. He made me understand, for a moment, that maybe after all, trusting someone wasn’t that bad, that maybe not everyone in this freaking, fucking world is such an asshole. 

That, good people still exist, those who respect you, who do not judge you, like he did. Someone that can make me feel like he did. 

And from that day we became friends, or at least I thought we were. We had the clinic every morning, all week. At that point we started make some real money. I remember a moment we shared in the pool. We were talking and Otis was trying to psychoanalyzing me about Jackson and why I didn’t want a boyfriend.

It was another of those moment in which I acted without thinking. We were on the edge of the pool and all of the sudden I pushed him into the water. He didn’t see that coming ahahha so I jump too and we were there playing. I was trying to push him underwater. He reacted but I won. 

There was this moment when he rose and took a deep breath.His eyebrows were a mess, so I got closer and I put my hand on his head, touching his eyebrows and pass my fingers on trying to fix them. 

He did that thing with his eyes, like he didn’t expect that sudden contact from me and the touch of my hands. Then he got weird and told me to get out while he stood there. When I came out from the water, I told him how he looked at my eyes, how I saw him _“you’re compellingly weird, Milbourne”_. And he really was. 

There was something between us, a connection that I didn’t realize at first, I just knew that it felt ok, I enjoyed it and didn’t ask to myself any other questions. 

Everything was working quite well. Until one morning at school someone posted a photo of a vagina, threatening to reveal who belong to.

I felt terrible, I knew how it was like when everybody makes fun of you and that thing was even worst. It was a private photo. The same morning Ruby came to me for help, revealing it was her vagina on the photo, so I decided to help her and I convinced Otis since he was being skeptical. That day was a crazy one because a few days before Jackson did a thing in the cafeteria. He sang for me in front of everyone. I usually hate this sort of stuff, but he was ready to put in danger his own reputation just to be my boyfriend. He didn’t want only sex but something more, something I didn’t know I was able to give him: a relationship. 

I’ve always thought that relationships weren’t my thing but I think that deep down having someone who showed me interest, showed me I was important for them, was everything I really wanted. He cared so much that he wanted to introduce me to his mums. 

I was freaking out and that night I was supposed to have a dinner with them. 

It was awful so I run away. I started to make up things on my life and my parents. I stared panicking and I left. I don’t remember exactly how but, I ended up with Otis. He was dress like a drag queen, with makeup, earrings and a wig. We found out who sent Ruby’s photo and again, on the way home, we shared a moment. 

It was completely unexpected but a part of me knew it was what I wanted.

I was freezing so he gave me his pullover. 

The sleeves were so long and I started making fun of him. He got upset and started to roll them up. In a second, I got stuck looking at his face. His eyes focused on what he was doing. His eyebrows, that I tried to fix in the pool, now were ok. 

Then I stopped on his lips. 

Don’t know why but, for a second I wondered their taste. 

I bite my lower lip and didn’t stop staring at him. Then he realized I was looking at him. 

Our eyes met and I knew that we were both aware of what was about to happen. I felt the urge to get closer and raised my head to touch his lips. We were in the middle of nowhere and five seconds before our lips touched, he screamed. 

It was like I was waking up from a dream. 

He didn’t want to be kissed, probably he was too scared, or maybe he didn’t believe I wanted to kiss him. I don’t know why I wanted, I just felt it. It felt right. He said he was a virgin. I wanted to laugh because he was trying so hardnot to panic for what was about to happen and I started to feel embarrassed, so Ileft. We never mentioned that thing anymore, yet some days later I was home and I found his pullover. I took it and smiled, because it made me think about him and about how embarrassed he was in that moment. Instinctively I smelled it and closed my eyes. I saw him in my memories. I saw him on his bike and that terrible helmet on his head. I saw him in the hallway with Eric. I saw him smiling in that special way that it is only his own. With his head down looking at his shoes, his eyes half close and his embarrassed smile. A little dimple on his cheek that seems so soft and incredibly cute. I heard his voice and how good he was with the clients of the clinic, the way he tried to handle every problem. And then I saw his eyes, blue like the water of the pool, so wide open and surprised to see mine stuck into his. All of a sudden, I realized that I was doing exactly what they do in a movie. Confused by the wave of emotions I put it down. Thinking about it now I should have imagined what happened a few days later. 

I was nervous when he was around, I kinda lost that confidence that at his eyes, at first, made me appear as if I had everything under control. The truth was that I was confused. I didn’t know what I was feeling and why that happened. 

Jackson invited me to the ball, I accepted even if I hate this kind of stuff. I wasn’t expecting to see him there either and I definitely didn’t expect him to be there with her. When we saw each other, he was surprised as much as I was.

We smiled and for a moment it seemed like everybody around us disappeared. 

No Ola, no Jackson. 

Just us. 

Then he introduced her to me and they entered. 

I spent the entire evening looking for him. I realized this probably too late. 

I met Ola in the bathroom and I tried to warn her. Otis can be amazing but he is not like everybody else. Don’t know what she thought of that, and to be honest I didn’t care. 

Then something else happened. 

There was a guy who had climbed up on the paper moon and it was ready to jump if the girl he liked wouldn’t go out with him. He was ready to jump when Otis stopped him. He started to talk, and like one of the conversations he had with the clients, I only heard his voice. I listened and it felt like time froze. I was listening to his words and there was only silence around us. The more he talked, the more I understood those words. At that point I started to feel my heart beat faster. I literally needed air to breathe, I felt my chest going up and down, like I was grasping for air. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Around me I felt those words and it looked like they were for me, like that person who didn’t like him back, it was me. 

_\- Look, sometimes the people we like, don’t like us back, it’s painful but there is nothing we can do about it. I know what is like when someone doesn_ ’ _t feel the same way about you someone you can_ ’ _t stop thinking about. It hurts but you can_ ’ _t make people like you. But love isn_ ’ _t about grand gestures, or the moon and the stars. It_ ’ _s just dumb luck. And sometimes, you meet someone who feels the same way. And then, sometimes, you_ ’ _re unlucky. But one day, you_ ’ _re gonna meet someone who appreciates you for who you are. I mean, there_ ’ _s seven billion people on the planet. I know one of them is gonna climb up on a moon for you._

He saved him. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but I met Otis outside and I told him he has been amazing saving that guy. Of course I didn’t say anything abut how I felt. 

Then he said something that made my heart sunk and I started to panic a little bit.

He could’t handle it anymore: the clinic, me, us. 

He wanted to stop but I wasn’t ready to give up on what we build and I realized it wasn’t for money. 

Then everything collapsed.

Jackson showed up, drunk and said that he paid Otis so that he could tell him what I liked and how he couldwin my heart. 

The same heart that in that moment not only sunk, but literally broke.

I felt tears raising at my eyes, he tried to apologize and ask for forgiveness but it was too much. 

I took Jackson and I run away. 

Something really broke in that moment, everything I thought I knew about him, collapsed _._ He was supposed to be the person I could trust in, someone who I could rely on, but he turned out to be the worst one. We didn’t speak for a few days. The night of the ball my stupid brother showed up at school to sell drugs. He disappeared so I had to say it was my fault to cover him and for that I got expelled. Otis and I met outside the headmaster’s office but I didn’t want to talk. The same day I found out that my brother fled and when I got home there was this bag close to the door. I opened it and there was the prize. Someone had cancel Adam’s name and craved mine. I smiled because I knew that there was only one person who could do such a thing: dickhead Otis Milbourne. There was a letter with it:

_Maeve, I’m so sorry that I hurt you and betrayed your trust. You saw something in me when no-one else did. I was just this invisible guy in the corner and I though I liked being that way.Then I met you and I figured out I’m actually good at something. I hope you can forgive me and we can continue to do the clinic together. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever me and this award is yours_. 

Again with the heart thing. It missed a beat at first and then it started to beat faster and spreading heat in my chest. Like a wave of relief. 

I smiled like a baby and I remember I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. 

It was stronger than me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but I took the sweater and I went straight to his place. On the way there I thought about what I could have said, but I couldn’t find a word. Everything seemed stupid and useless. I was getting closer so I took a deep breath and prepared my self to see him. 

But If I had known what I would found, I would never went there. 

There was Ola with him. 

They were kissing.

Again time froze and I couldn’t control it anymore. I know I was about to cry but I needed to breath. I tried to do it, literally grasping for air. 

I wasn’t expecting that. 

They were there and they were kissing. He was kissing someone who wasn’t me. When I said this sentence in my head I realized I was being jealous. 

I was jealous of Otis Milbourne and that only meant one thing: I definitely had feelings for him. I didn’t want her to be with him. Be around him. She was weird and I wanted to be her. I was angry because I dreamed about it. I allowed my self to believe that something could happen between the two of us. I thought he liked me and I knew we had that connection, I knew that something sparked between us. For this I allowed him to see parts of my soul I had never show to anyone. 

I let him in. 

He made me understand he wanted to he part of my life and somehow I trusted him. I was angry because I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling in that moment. I didn’t want to care. I’ve always knew that get this close to someone, allow myself to create this connection, would lead me to get hurt. 

So basically, caring for someone it sucks, or at least for me. 

He was with someone else now and I had put my walls down for nothing. 

I couldn’t handled it. I could’t looked back, so I thrown away the pullover and run away with a broken heart. 


	2. Otis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the first chapter, in which we went through Maeve's feelings, this time we try to see things from Otis's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, here I am with the second chapter of my fan fiction about Otis and Maeve. I hope you like this second chapter and I will be very happy if you want to leave a comment.  
> Again I apologize for my english if there are some mistakes or if sometimes it sounds wrong.

_\- I’ve been thinking. Maybe we should go all the way._

_\- Yeah? It’s kind of a big step._

_\- I think I’m ready._

_\- Are you sure?_

_\- Yeah I am. But if you’re not ready…_

_\- No, I’m ready. Let’s go all the way._

_I liked you back. And I got scared so I didn_ ’ _t tell you how I felt. It_ ’ _s really hard seeing you with her every day._

OH MY GOD JUST STOP IT!STOP IT, STUPID BRAIN! 

Okay calm down, calm down. 

I need to take a deep breath. I’m gonna fix this. I HAVE TO.

That morning I thought I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend but then Meave Wiley just, arrogantly came back into my life. I just couldn’t believe she liked me back. I mean, how was that possible? I would have noticed it. 

Apparently I hadn’t and Maeve came back into my life dropping a bomb. 

I didn’t know what to do, I was confused. I was with Ola and we were great together but then Maeve told me those things and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. How could she? I decided to ignore her and keep my promise to Ola. 

But again it seemedlike the world didn’t want me to have sex with her. We were in the middle of the moment when I got a message. 

It was from Maeve. 

That got me nervous and Ola got upset because that moment was supposed to be ours. We didn’t have sex. 

For as terrible it might sounds, I was glad we didn’t do it. I wasn’t ready and I’ve always imagine having sex with someone I would be in love with. I really liked Ola but deep down I’ve always know that it wasn’t love. 

To be honest I don’t even know what love feels like. 

Is it whatever I felt for Maeve? How she makes me feel? Feeling my heart lose a beat when she’s around? Missing air when she gets close to me? My mouth getting dry when I have to talk to her? If this is love then it was nothing like I felt for Ola. 

Maybe Eric was right. 

When we hang out we play and behave like I do with him. We never really had a proper date, it was all so cool and normal. 

Nothing wow or gut wrenching. 

If love is supposed to be like this. 

Anyway, things got terrible after that day. Ola asked me to choose between her and Maeve. I didn’t think it was right but I didn’t want her to get upset again and let her understand that, maybe, I would have chosen Maeve over her. So I convinced myself that the best thing I could do was to get over Maeve like I thought I did, so I chose Ola. But again the world sent me a message and timing was absolutely shitting. I spent days trying to figure out what was the best thing to do, for Ola, for me. Always trying to do the right thing, but apparently I was worrying too much because life had already made its own decisions for me. 

Ola broke up with me.

I wanted to scream when she told me. She had the courage to say that I was uptight. Me? Yes I’m not such an extrovert, but not at that point!

I couldn’t believe that I gave up on Maeve for her! She was so selfish. She never realized what she was asking me. It was like if had forced her to chose between me or Lily. How could you chose between someone who is so important for you? Who she thought she was to put me in front of that choice? 

She had no right to do it. 

Thinking about it now she was awful. But I was confused and I wanted clarity, I needed it so did the easiest thing. Maeve was a “problem”, she was too much and things were hard so, instead of choosing what was right I chose what was easy. 

That choice was one the greatest mistakes of my life.

I didn’t know that she was jealous of Maeve, before she told me how she felt, I never considered that Ola could be jealous of her. And to be honest even if she was, that was her problem. 

Her jealousy wasn’t supposed to get in the middle of my friendship with Maeve. She was my friend and If Ola really trusted me, she had no reason to be worry about her. Asking that to me was not only selfish, but disrespectful. I mean a bit of jealousy is always flattering but not like this. We didn’t have a proper closure, she needed to listen my opinion.

So I had an idea. 

I wanted to prove her wrong, to show her that I wasn’t uptight and I called Eric. 

I would throw a party.

I shouldn’t never had a party. I hate parties. There is always a mess, people laughing, screaming and dancing while they are drunk. I just wanted a small thing with a few people. Don’t how what the hell happened but half school was there. I thought that my mum would killed me. 

_\- Eric!? Who are these people?_

_\- Otis! Sorry man I guess people heard you were having a party and they all came!!_

_\- Don’t scream! I can hear you.You have to help me to get them out. This can’t be!_

_\- What? Are you serious?_

_\- Yes I am Eric!_

_\- Sorry Otis, they won’t leave. Just enjoy the party man! C’mon!_

It was a mess. Literally a mess. They were everywhere. On the couch, in the kitchen and they were drunk. There was everyone. It was awkward to see all them in my house. Ruby, Anwar, creepy guy whose name I didn’t remember, Olivia, Jackson, Maeve. 

Wait what? Maeve? No no no no! What was she doing there? 

- _Eric! Eric! Is that Maeve? What is she doing here? Why is she here?_

_-Oh yes I told her me to stop by._

_-WHAT? Why did you do that?_

_-Oh c’mon Otis, It just a stupid party! Relax a bit! Have a beer!_

I had a beer and I didn’t liked it. It was sour and bitter. Vodka or rum I don’t know what I drink later, was a bit better but I didn’t like it so much. It help me to feel less pressure though, and I started to not worry so much about the party. 

I felt good. I had just proved I wasn’t uptight. Ola needed to know, so I wrote her a message and told her to stop by with an excuse. I don’t remember exactly if she arrived before o after I had my 6th beer, I just remember i saw her around. I saw both of them. 

Ola and Maeve. 

Actually there was a guy in the wheelchair with Maeve. I had never seen him before and even if I was drunk I didn’t liked him. He looked sneaky and I didn’t trust having him around her. Probably he was the reason for what I did later. Or maybe I was just drunk and jealous.  I saw Ola and Maeve together and I knew I need to clarify things. I just don’t know why I needed to say that to everyone at that stupid party. I can’t believe I did it. And the worst part is that the alcohol didn’t work. I remember every word.

_This is Ola. I don’t know if you know her. She’s …well quite little and and funny and interesting and pretty, and she was my girlfriend, until she told me I can’t see Maeve anymore. Now we all know Maeve. Scary Maeve. You know, she’s no actually scary, she’s just pretending. Anyway, Maeve told me she liked me, okay? And I like Maeve. I like Maeve a lot, a lot more than I liked Ola. But I was trying to be a good boyfriend, so I said to Maeve, “Sorry, I can’t see you anymore” . And then Ola dumped me. Yeah it’s confusing. I was confused, but I thought probably a good thing, ‘cause I just really wanted to be with Maeve. And I didn’t really want to be with Ola, and then I realized Maeve Wiley just likes playing with people’s feelings and she doesn’t care about anyone else. Like she brought this man with her. I don’t know, probably just here to make me jealous. Definitely didn’t work. All in all, I think she’s probably the most selfish person I’ve ever met. And I think it’s good that I’m not going out with either of them because I think I deserved a whole lot more._

I remember Maeve’s face. She was upset but she was trying to not show that. And this is the last thing I remember. Maeve coming towards me, insulting me and her eyes. Her eyes that showed me only her disappointment. I was pretending to be ok with what I had just said, but the truth was that as soon as I pronounced any of those words, I wanted to stop and take them back. But it was too late. Those eyes were going through me. Through the drunk, selfish, stupid, and jealous Otis. It was like if they were trying to see if I was behind them. And the Otis Maeve knew, the Otis I had always been with her, was right there. But I think she didn’t see me, I just went too far and in that moment I thought I lost her. 

I felt like someone was hitting my head, multiple times. It was like baseball. I felt dizzy, confused and every sound was distant from me, like I was inside a bigger ball. I started to get cold, then I realized I was naked. I was in my bed, I was sure of it, it’s justthat I never sleep naked. I hate it. I’ve always hated my body, so skinny and pale. I didn’t like to see it first thing in the morning. I tried to cover my body but I heard a noise. Then, as soon as I tried to turn on the other side, gently because now the baseball teams playing with my head were two, I saw that there was someone on the other side of the bed. I needed three second to realize that there was someone in my bed and I was naked. I jumped on my feet, terrible mistake, and tried to cover my body from whoever was there with me. 

- _Good morning_

Ruby. 

Why on earth was Ruby in my bed? I was naked and she was in my bed. Oh my God. Please, please, please tell me we didn’t had sex, please. 

We did it. I don’t remember a thing, thank God. I didn’t know if I could handle the memory of what I did. What If had I been terrible? Awkward? Stupid? Embarrassing ? 

_Oh my God, this can’t be happening. It just can’t_. I tried to move on and went to school. I prayed to not meet Maeve but as soon as I said what happened to Eric, there she was. 

I thought: 

_Great, a first chance to apologize_. 

I tried, I swear I tried: 

_\- Hi..Maeve. I’m very sorry about last night._

God I tried. 

I didn’t want anybody to know what happened, her less than anyone else but that guy destroyed everything. I remember her head following him while he was going away. She couldn’t believe it and then she looked at me. Again those eyes. So big and brown that I had seen smile only once, at the school ball. Those same eyes that the night before were looking through me to find the real me. Yesterday they were a bit red, now they were colder than ice. Like the first time I met her, the first time she looked at me and didn’t see me. How could I do such a thing? What had I become? I ruined everything. 

I could’t stand this situation. Maeve was ignoring me and I didn’t want to intrude and force her to talk to me. I hoped to meet her at school. Honestly I didn’tknow why, whether to apologize again o just to see her. Finally one morning we met. I tried to talk but of course she was distant. I wished her good luck for the Quiz Head’s final but she didn’t answer. So I asked her: 

_-How do I get you to not be angry at me anymore?_

And when she answered, honestly, I’d rather she hadn’t. Those words were worst than her eyes.

_-I’m not angry Otis. I’m disappointed._

And then I understood. I really went too far. I would liked her to be angry at me, cause anger meant that she had feelings, whether she hated me or not, it was still a feeling. Something that she could esternate and something that, soon or later, it can be fixed o it passes on its own. But disappointment, well that was another thing. When you disappoint someone it means that you are important to them. They count on you. It means that they trust you and consider you as a very important person in their lives. I guess that I was that for Maeve before all of this happened, even if she never told me. 

She was the same. 

She wasn’t just a girl I had a crush on, she was more. 

She has always been more than that. 

Ola was there and she saw everything. We talked and I tried to apologize, but it turned out that she got my problem: I was trying to be perfect. A good friend for Eric, a good son for my mum, a good boyfriend for Ola and a good guy at Maeve’s eyes, but nobody can be that perfect. We can try our best but we are not flawless, no matter how much I tried. I’m human and I make mistakes, I can’t turn back time so the only thing I’ve left to do is to fix the mess I’ve created. Probably I was also so scared because I didn’t want to turn into my father, so I went straight to him to ask him how to be his complete opposite. We never talk too much, I don’t know exactly why, probably because I blamed him for abandoning me and not be there whenever I needed it. But I was tired of all that. I just needed to talk to him. I remembered he was still in the UK, for his book tour, so I reached him there and we talked. I think we really talked for the first time in years. Those kind of conversations I needed a long time ago. That time, for the first moment in his life he was a dad for me: 

_You know when you’re young you think that everybody out there really, really gets you. But you know actually, only a handful of them do. All the people who like you, despite your faults. And if you discard them they will never come back. So, when you meet this people you should just hold on to them. Really, really tightly. And don’t let them go._

In that moment I felt like I was supposed to do something, something big. I noticed a tv and there she was. Maeve was on tv at the Quiz Heads final. I looked at her and without thinking I took my phone and recorder a voice message, hoping she would listen to it and didn’t hate me. I went straight home. Actually I wanted to go there at the finals but then I thought it was better If I avoided it. I went to her place but she wasn’t there yet. To be honest I went there but I had no idea about what to tell her. There was Isaac though, he told me Maeve wasn’t there. I didn’t like that guy the first time I met him and that feeling was still there. I left and went home. I spent 10 minutes on the couch thinking about what I had say to Maeve in that message. Then, all of a sudden, I realized that maybe a voice message wasn’t the best way, at all, to tell her how I felt. So I run to my room, I sat and I started writing: 

_Dear Maeve,_

_It’s Otis, that stupid and selfish asshole from the party. I wanted to apologize but, considering that I do it every time I see you, this will probably piss you off even more. I don’t know why I’m writing this letter, well actually I think I do. I left you a voice message and I don’t know if you have listened it or not. Don’t know if you are happy for that or more angry, I just know that after all this time I realized I needed to say those things to you, whether face to face or writing them down. I love you Maeve. I’m totally, completely in love with you, even if I don’t know what this really means. I’ve never loved anyone before. I’m not even sure what really love is. I guess for me, it’s you. The way you make me feel. A day with you it’s like be on the rollercoaster. A moment I’m in heaven, then a moment later I feel terrified by having you so close and not telling you about how I feel. Terrified by the fact that you won’t love me back, because I mean, you’re Maeve. I’m just Otis Milbourne. I’m happy for the precious time we got to spent together, happy because you chose me to be with you in a moment so important and devastating like the one you lived. Don’t worry, I’m not goingto be a moralist and I’m not going to judge you like I did in the past. I just guess I haven’t thank you for letting me be there for you that day, whether you really wanted me to be, or because I was the only one available. I honestly don’t care because that day meant something for me. You were alone handling a big thing like that, something that none at our age should face, but things like these happen and we got to deal with them like you did. I know you’re strong, probably the strongest person I’ve ever met in my life. Maybe you don’t know that but, you taught me so much. You helped me to get out from my comfort zone, made me realized that I don’t want to be so invisible after all, that I was good at something and people were seeing this thanks to you. You gave me that confidence that I never thought I could have. And since that moment I’ve tried to be perfect at you eyes; to be the one who was always there for you, whatever you needed. And in doing this, doing the clinic stuff I started to have feelings for you. When Jackson asked me to tell him things about you I got mad because it was like you were an object, something to please, something too pretty and intriguing for him that he wanted so desperately to win you heart. So, since I thought I knew you, I told him the things you might hate the most, but I supposed I didn’t know you so well. I thought that the song in the cafeteria was something you would hate, but when he succeeded, I realized that after all every girl in the world dreams something like that. Or maybe you were happy about that, because for once, you just jumped and forgot the fact that he could let you down. But in the end I was the one who really let you down. I don’t want to have the privilege to consider myself so importantat your eyes but, I thought we had a connection, something sparked between us and exactly for that I thought that I was important for you. I just didn’t believe it until you told me you liked me back. Even then I have been so stupid and I couldn’t believed it, so I rejected your feeling and the real truth. I’m terribly sorry for this. I’m terribly sorry for being selfish and stupid, for not giving credit to your feelings. I’m so sorry for those horrible words I said at the party, I was drunk, but I don’t want this to be an excuse. I made a mistake, a terribile, gigantic, enormous mistake and I deserve to be punished. I don’t know if you will ever forgive me, I don’t know if you want to, and it’s ok. Take your time, I ‘m not going to ask you to do it right now, and I don’t want you to cancel what I did, that was my mistake and nothing can change what I did, maybe only having a TARDIS or Hermione’s TimeTurner. I just needed to tell you these words, to let you know that I’ll be here waiting for you. I’ll be here apologizing for hurting you, and I’ll do it at your terms, because you are the only thing that matter. What you feel, what you think, what you want. Just you, no one else. I love you Maeve, really and If to prove that to you I need to wait all eternity, then I’m ready to. Sorry maybe it sounded a bit melodramatic, too much, but you got the point. I’m ready to wait, that’s all. And if your forgiveness won’t come, it’s fine, I’ll be always there hoping for you to change you mind, but I swear I’ll never force you to take a decision you don’t want or you are not ready for. I just will be here waiting for you, whenever you ready._

_Love, your Dickhead, Otis_


	3. Jump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Maeve and Otis's own versions of the event, we arrive to a conclusion. Will Maeve read the letter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Here I am with the third and final chapter of this fan fiction about Maeve and Otis.   
> I hope you like it!   
> EffeI28

_I love you Maeve. I just realized that I really love you._

I felt like I was in a bubble. Every sound was cancelled. 

It was like if I was frozen in time and people got stuck in whatever they were doing. 

_I love you, Maeve._

I felt a warm energy expanding and raising from my chest up to my face. I could feel my face burning for the awareness of those words. I swallowed and took a deep breath. But those words kept coming back. It was like the more I tried to push them down, the more they came up. They wanted to emerge, to impose themselves in my mind. My heart started to beat faster than I expected. I felt it in my chest, my ears and my hands started shaking a little bit. I looked at them and force myself to conceal what I was feeling. 

Otis Milbourne loved me. 

He was in love with me. 

No Jackson, no Ola this time, just us. 

Just me and him. 

Was it true? 

I have never believed in this stuff but my heart was beating like never before so I took it as an answer: yes it was all true. He really loved me. 

What about me?

Did I love him back? 

Was I in love like he said to be? 

To be honest, I didn’t know what be in love actually meant. Until then two guys told me they loved me and still I didn’t know what this meant. 

Am I someone that deserves to be loved? Why do they love me? I think Jackson thought to be in love with me, he didn’t know me, apart from my tastes in books or music, there were a lot of things I didn’t said to him. 

Things that I said to Otis, though. He knows the truth behind my stupid nickname, he knows how ashamed I felt in that moment and how I suffered for all the days that came after, until I stopped caring. 

I understood that once people gave you a nickname, no matter what you do, you got stuck with it forever. 

You will always be like they see you. 

This has always happened with every one in my life except with two people: Aimees and Otis. 

Aimee has always been with me and deliberately call herself a slut to be by my side, fuck off the others. For Otis I have never been my nickname. Maybe it's silly because he says I was the only one to see him, but the truth is, that the only person who has ever seen me, it was him. He was scared as hell by my reputation but he never gave up. He has always been there, whatever I needed. He talked to me, told me things, we shared moments, ideas, feelings. 

With him, for the first time I led my guard down.

I let him in. 

They say that when you do this, let you guard down and show the real you, that side of your soul you only know, to someone else, they say that is love. Love doesn’t mean only be in love with someone. Love means trust, loyalty, faith, having someone you can rely on, someone who accepts you for you are, even when you show him that part of your soul. And you do this only when you trust this person, when you know that person won’t judge you, won’t laugh at you, but it will accept you exactly for this, exactly because you expose that part of youself, you are even a bit ashamed of, so vulnerable, so precious.  If you do this, if you jump and you are sure there is someone down there to catch you before you touch the ground, then you’re safe. They say this is love, when you understand that you don’t have to try to land safely and avoid to get hurt. 

So if I did this, it means I love him. 

But he hurt me. He really hurt my feeling like nobody else before. 

This happened because I let him in. 

So, rationally this means that love only leads you to get hurt. It’s better to not be in love, I have always been sure. Someone you love is just someone else who can let you down. Who tells me if he did it in the past, he won’t do it again? Who can tell me that he won’t hurt me anymore? Yes he wrote those words, but they are just words, actions are a completely different thing. How can I trust him again? 

The answer is that I don’t know. I don’t know if I can trust him If I’m not willing to risk. To take a chance, to jump. 

I am honestly tired of getting hurt all the time. 

_I’m ready to wait, that’s all. And if your forgiveness won’t come, it’s fine, I’ll be always there hoping for you to change you mind, but I swear I’ll never force you to take a decision you don’t want you or not ready for. I just will be here waiting for you, whenever you ready._

I didn’t know what to do. 

I didn’t know what I wanted. 

Or so I thought. 

I closed the locker. 

I don’t know how but that sound brought me back to reality. It was like if all of a sudden, everything was clear, so clear and simple.

Otis loved me; he wanted to be with me, he was sorry and he was ready to wait. No matter for how long. I really would like to say that my mind focused on the last thing;that I didn’t want to get hurt again. I wanted to believe all those things I thought, but the truth is that my brain got stuck to the first one. And the simple truth, the pure meaning of those words hit me like a tsunami.

I smiled and started to run in the hallway looking for him. 

He wasn’t in the hallway. I saw Ola and Lily holding hands, I didn’t ask. I saw Olivia and Ruby arguing. I didn’t stop thinking she had sex with him. I didn’t care about anything except finding him.I went outside, in the courtyard, but nothing. So I stopped for a moment and started to think where he could be. Not in the hallway, not the courtyard. It was almost 12 so he couldn’t be home. Class? Maybe he was in class. Yes probably. 

I got back inside sure that he wasn’t around. I was still holding his letter in my right hand and I was staring at it. All of a sudden I felt someone hitting me. Our bodies bumped together. I was so ready to yell at whoever had been dumb enough to not look where he or she was going, but when I raised my head,my heart lost a beat. 

It was him. 

He was there standing in front of me in the hallway, with that childish colorful coat: 

_\- Maeve. I… I am sorry._

His voice was a whisper and I could see him getting nervous, especially when he saw his letter in my hand. He swallowed and couldn’t handle my look for more than two seconds. Only then I realized I was intensively staring at him. Probably from the outside my face lookedangry, but on the inside my heart was beating faster than I expected. We got stuck like this. For me there was only him. No one else around. He kept looking at me and then looking away. 

_\- You read my letter. I suppose._

He spoke with a trembling voice. I didn’t know what to say. I just wanted it to be a good answer, a great answer. But I only got: 

_\- Perceptive._

He got his head down and tried to hide a smile, probably to hide the terror. Well he wasn’t the only one. 

I was terrified.

Paralyzed. 

At least he was trying to talk.

_\- So. Listen, it’s fine, okay? You don’t have to say anything…_

_\- Shut up._

Again, great speech Maeve. He shut up. So I took a deep breath and I honestly prayed to say the right things. 

_\- I read the letter, yes. It’s not okay, and yes I have to say something. I think I’m the most entitled to say something in this, don’t you think? Don’t answer!_

I yelled at him. Didn’t meant to.

_\- You hurt me._

I was struggling to say more. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to say, but I was just letting words flow. 

_\- You hurt me in a way that I promised my self_ _it would never happen again. I was fine before I met you. I was the weird one, the cock-biter and everyone was scared of me. Then you showed up. And from that moment on, everything changed. At the beginning I was curious. You looked like a weirdo, only later I found out you were a different kind of weirdo. You had you way with words. And this screwed me. I did the only thing I told myself to do never again: let someone in. I let you in. I let you to get to know me. I told you things about me I never told anyone, because I started to trust you. And then you took this trust and broke it. Then I understood I had been a fool again. You ruined my balance, you pushed me to do things I would never do. And do you know what the worst part is? That when I let you in, I felt good. I felt good as I hadn’t in a long time. Believe me, it has been a shock for me too understanding that I was having feelings for you. I didn’t want to. I fooled myself again and once again I was in pain. So, dickhead, you say you love me. You say you’re sorry. Since you are sure about pretty much everything, then tell me: what should I do? Should I push you away for what you did, because I don’t want to get hurt again? Because I don’t want to feel what I felt when you let me down? Or should I jump? And if jump, will you be there to catch me?_

I took a deep breath. I was still staring at him, and now he was looking at me too. I felt like I was burning up. I look into his eyes and they were looking back. Those damn, freaking blue eyes.  I swallowed again and took a deep breath.

_\- Should I tell you that, probably, almost certainly, I… I definitely, love you too, dickhead?_

My eyes were getting wet. He smiled. Everything in his face was smiling, even those stupid eyes. 

And I was crying. I was smiling trying to hide the tears. He was smiling as well and before I got closed to him, to his face and to his lips, whose taste I was wandering once again, I just added: 

_\- I hate you, dickhead._

The last thing I remember was his smile before our lips touched. In that moment I knew how they tasted. I didn’t know what to expect, but it was better in this way, because what I felt was so much better than any possible expectation I could have. His taste was amazing, his lips were soft and gentle on mine. He was good; it was like all the fear and his being weirdo disappeared. 

He was just Otis. 

Just us, kissing. 

Nothing else mattered, and in that moment I realized that thanks to him I was finally feeling happy. 


End file.
